Saturday, October 9, 2010

I am so over this!!!!

Today, I am so over all of this, up and down, why and why not.
I am pissed off at myself, AGAIN.
In one week I have undone all that I was doing, went to the doc on thursday, she has ordered a ultra sound of my hip, (but cant get in to do that for 3 weeks), so I wait again, she also informed me that my iron and tyroid levels are still very very low, WHAT THE HELL!! So we stuff around with tabs again, this as well as my why why why mind had me binging for days, I feel like I have been fighting this area for so long now, I go really great and then when I get close I undo it all got on the scale the other day to see 85.5 again, thats up 3.5kg, then today when I got on 83.5 so not as bad but still up when I was so looking forward to hitting the 40% mark.

This is not as important to me anymore, I think, I am happy at this size its the smallest I have ever been since I got married, but I also want to hit my goal of 70kg, my mind is divided, is this and excuess or a fear? why do I do this to myself over and over again.

I tried to run yesterday only to have my hip start hurting almost straight away, so stopped it is wearing my mind down I know that, it is like when ever I start to get good, something stops me, yes I know I stop me, and its me giving in.

I am off to boxing this morning I have not been to that class for ages so I hope that I can still do this one with no pain, I am going to have to work out another training plan I think.

On a better note I got my hair done on thursday a new style and look made me feel great and I did realise how crappy I have been feeling about myself this might have something to do with the binges as well. But now I am looking hot again..LOL and today I am off to a wedding of some friends and I have not seen alot of our mutual friends in almost a year so they are in for a shock..LOL I have a little black wow dress that is going to make there jaw drop..LOL Tania like they never seen her before.
I am hoping this will give me the drive to keep smashing it up.

Have a great day.

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